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Mothering a Grieving Heart for Mother’s Day

It’s the Sunday before the Sunday before Mother’s Day…which means it’s exactly one week until Bereaved Mother’s Day.

As you know, May is a very tough month for me {two of the reasons are above}. I was thinking about where I would be today if my Maddie were still here with me. I realized, I ‘should’ be mothering her – but instead, I am mothering my grieving heart…and I realized something.

You mother a grieving heart just like you’d mother a toddler:

  • Show love  – Self-love is so important right now. Don’t believe the things you tell yourself when you are sad and alone. Show yourself love – however you choose to do it!
  • Priority rules – Rules are there for a reason. Adhering to them allows you a framework and guidelines. Sometimes, during grief, we think the rules don’t apply to us – which becomes a slippery slope of bitterness.
  • Know limits – Not a people person? Don’t try to be. Can’t be in the grocery store for more than 2o minutes at a time? Ok. Need to be outside to feel grounded? Do that.
  • Pick your battles – You’re gonna be on edge right now, you just are. Keep that in mind as people, places, and things are extra annoying to you. You could just wanna be mad that the hubby loaded the dishwasher wrong or because they don’t have your size in stock. Maybe, just maybe, it’s not worth making a scene.
  • Look for choices – Maybe attending a family function is beyond your limit right now. Could you help make arrangements, prepare or drop supplies off? Maybe you could be on clean up duty? Do what you can but don’t push yourself too far.
  • Avoid situations that trigger – I don’t care if you are 10 minutes or 10 years into your grief journey there will always be things that trigger you. It could be a TV show, a song, a person. If you can, avoid it.
  • Stick to a schedule – a schedule will help you with information overwhelm. Having things already planned will help keep a sense of normalcy and direction.
  • Encourage communication – See your counselor, journal and write, talk to friends. Don’t bottle up your feelings

As I don’t actually have a toddler to mother (and reading parenting books is a trigger for me) I had to do a little research. Thanks Mayo Clinic for the info.

 

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