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Death Positivity

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Last week, I was speaking about Sharing Solace at an event with an extra-long Q&A section. {Or, as I like to refer to it ‘Stump the Chump’.} And, one of the last questions came in the form of a statement:

Thank you so much for using death positive language.

The ‘question’ caught me a little off guard. I’d never really thought too hard about before and it took me a minute to decipher what she was saying – I mean I’m not PRO death {I think only sociopaths are} but then I realized she was thanking me for not ‘sugar-coating the suck’.

You see, my daughter didn’t ‘go home to Jesus’ or ‘pass away’, and I certainly didn’t ‘lose her’! She’s dead D.E.A.D. dead {and I know exactly where she is – she’s in her urn next to her pink turtle on my night stand}.

Death, and grief, and loss suck. Period. The end.

  • Divorce is draining {even if you were the one who filed the papers}
  • Death is devastating {even if it was expected}
  • Losing your job is lethal {even if you dreaded walking in every morning}
  • Cancer is cataclysmic {even if it’s easily treatable}
  • Pet loss (death or actual loss) is pulverizing {even if you hated cleaning up after them}

Fine, call me the shock jock of grief (move over Howard Stern)…but when did it become my job to comfort you through my uncomfortable? When {and why} did society decide that I had to tone down my sh!tty experiences so you could feel more secure in your perfect little life?

So yeah, I guess I am ‘death positive’. I’m not going to mince my words. I’m not going to go out of my way to make my hurt less painful for you. And, I’m going to use the real emotions for my situation.

Hi. My name is Crystal Webster. I’m the founder of Sharing Solace. And this is my dead daughter Madelyn Elizabeth.

Want more of my crazy ideas? Check out some of my favorite blog posts or grab a copy of Confessions of a Griever.

One thought on “Death Positivity

  1. I love your openness and commitment to using real words to describe your experience. Thank you for sharing your grieving heart in a meaningful way. Your work is important to so many.


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