This piece was originally publish in American Funeral Director magazine.
Everyone knows about Mother’s Day – the second Sunday in May each year – and probably even celebrates it in some form or fashion. And also, for the 86,000-plus mothers each year who’ve had to bury their baby, this is not the only significant holiday in May.
Bereaved Mother’s Day is “celebrated” the first Sunday in May (one week before traditional Mother’s Day). Although not recognized as an official holiday, since 2010 loss mamas around the globe have been communing on this day to remember their children and companion each other along their journey. (And let’s be honest, holidays like “Talk like a Pirate Day” or “Doritos should be a Food Group Day” aren’t recognized holidays either – but sure as granny has hard candy in her purse, we celebrate those!)
This day – dedicated to sharing, support, and solace – validates the challenges of traditional Mother’s Day by holding space, and grace, for nontraditional motherhood. When mothers don’t have all their children to mother, holidays that highlight this fact are like pouring salt in an open wound … each year … perpetually. No amount of time or healing truly makes holidays celebrating what you “should have” softer on your heart.
While this day was originally established by Carlie Marie Dudley following the stillbirth of her son, Christian, it has been widely adopted by all mothers who hold their children in the hearts – not their arms.
As a grief professional and bereaved mother myself, I have single-handedly seen (and felt) the bittersweet comfort that comes from being in the same room surrounded by other loss moms. It continues to be one of the most powerful and humbling experiences I have ever been a part of.
As a funeral and death-care professional, you host events throughout the year to honor and support a variety of your families, Veterans Day events being a prime example. For your consideration, I suggest adding a Bereaved Mother’s Day event to your calendar.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports 86,000-plus families lose a child each year before their 25th birthday, and one in four pregnancies will result in a loss (not all of which are reported in the CDC numbers). This means that your community has many, many mothers who fall into this demographic – most of whom you might not even know because society tells us this is not a “real loss.” (…but that’s another topic for another day.)
These mothers, when given the space to feel seen and the grace to have their child acknowledged, are vicious in their loyalty. You can use this event to foster those relationships and grow your business. Here are some well-received ideas you can use when planning your own Bereaved Mother’s Day event:
A beautiful starting touch is to extend a written and mailed invitation to the mothers you have served in the last one to two years (after that you can decide how you’d like to invite them). There is no need to spend a lot on these invitations either; Use Canva.com or your preferred design software and print out the invitations on cardstock; two to four invitations to a sheet. I’ve also found that inviting attendees to bring a support companion (potentially their mother) and specifically confirming that other living children are not invited helps to make them feel seen and safe.
Consider hosting a midday luncheon-style event (if the first Sunday in May is not convenient for you, the symbolism is more important than the actual date). You might already have many of the decorations and accessories available from your other services: spring-colored, simple/minimal decor with small vignette table settings allows for meaningful conversations between mothers. Offering brunch and/or light finger foods and a small activity – potentially a handicraft (one of my favorites is creating a tiny sky lantern that can be used later in the afternoon) – will allow plenty of time for conversation and community building.
Providing that short program, where each of the children’s names are read, is amazingly powerful (this may be the only time mothers will hear their baby’s name spoken by another person) and offering some sort of takeaway will allow attendees to remember you and how you made them feel year-round. While tealight candle holders are a little cliché – they have become that way for a reason. Other ideas include windchimes, journals, jewelry, crystals or birthstones, painted rocks, small plants, or even figurines. (I highly encourage you, though, to stay away from cut fresh flowers – these are merely a beautiful reminder … that everything dies.
Many of the events I’ve attended have hosted some sort of “release” – often of the balloon variety. While I love the symbolism of releasing something “to the heavens;” environmentally, I am not a fan (which is why I like the idea of the sky lantern so much – sky lanterns can be purchased in bulk or DIYed at your event).
As I’m sure you know, emotions can run high, so it is best to have ample tissues and even a quiet “solace space” if mamas need a few moments to collect themselves in private before returning to the group. (I, as a grief mentor, have often donated my time to “just be there” in case an attendee wants to talk. Rarely are my services actually used, but it brings a sense of added calm to a potentially anxiety-riddled afternoon.)
And don’t forget the added touch of a handwritten “thank you” note shortly after the event concludes (with a link to view the images captured that day). Bonus points for sending a thank you to the attendee’s companion too. This should not be a marketing piece or sales call, just a touch point, though having your logo and website discreetly on the back isn’t a bad idea either.
Yes, the initial investment of time and resources can seem significant at first, but the ripple effect of hosting a Bereaved Mother’s Day event extends far beyond this single afternoon. These mothers – who have experienced so much already – become more than just past clients or acquaintances of past clients; they become fans and advocates for your funeral home – for the rest of their lives. (I, a decade and a half later, can still tell you the name of the funeral director and the home that helped me when my Madelyn died – and will rattle off their praises all day every day to anyone who will listen.) These mothers will share their experience with other bereaved parents, support groups, medical professionals, plus their families and the community at large. And trust me when I tell you the bereaved parent community is very vocal about …well … everything, especially resources.
Every mother who walks through your doors carrying the weight of child loss is looking for someone to validate that their child existed, that their love continues, and that their motherhood matters – regardless of where their children are today. By hosting a Bereaved Mother’s Day event, you’re offering that exact validation.
Even more importantly, you’re creating a safe haven where these mothers can honor their children openly, without judgment or stigma. In a world that often rushes people to “move on” or “get over it,” you’re acknowledging that their child’s life – no matter how brief – mattered. That is truly immeasurable.
In our profession, we talk a lot about “emotional aftercare” and “community outreach,” but this is so much more. This is about creating lasting connections that transform both your business and your community. When you provide a space for bereaved mothers to honor their children, you’re not just offering a service; you’re creating a legacy of compassion that extends far beyond your walls. And in doing so, you’re not just remembering these precious children – you’re helping their mothers carry their love forward in ways that heal, honor, and inspire. And you’re showing, by example, that you can always “Remember. You’re not alone.”
