May is a tough month for me: You see, pretty much everything that has ever happened in my life has happened in the month of May – the good and the…well…not so good.
I got engaged in May and a year later married in May. I graduated with all {2} of my degrees in May. I bought and moved into my first house with my hubby in May. We found out Madelyn was a girl in May, that she wasn’t going to survive in May, she was born in May, she died in May, and we found out the cause of her death in May. {Oh, and don’t forget the H.E.L.L. that is Mother’s Day.} At one point I had actually charted it all out and discovered that just about every other day I was supposed to be happen, then sad, then happy, then sad…it was enough to make your head spin!
Up until this year May had always been the missing month. Even the happiest of events were tainted with the gloom of a sad one to come (or had just happened). I couldn’t get control of my emotions, I sure as heck wasn’t reliable, and my husband and I were constantly bickering over the piddliest of crap. I was always able to feel the haze roll in the evening of April 31st and was constantly surprised {and relieved} when we got to June 1st and I hadn’t murdered myself or anyone else.
Something changed this year though. It took until the 8th of May to truly feel the brunt. I traveled for the first time in years during the month and Mother’s Day was not nearly as miserable {maybe because I was traveling}. But, I think the main reason that May is tolerable {I use that term very loosely} this year is because I have Sharing Solace.
You see, this year is the first year I’ve been able to openly share my story and pain in a way that didn’t feel like a Crystal Pity Party…like I was vying for attention and sympathy.
This might be the first year I can openly remember and honor my Madelyn with the ‘blessing of outsiders’. And, that feels so good to me! Like I’m being my true, authentic self {not hiding the more important parts of who I am}. I’ve found my calling and my way of being REALLY ME without it being an automatic conversation killer. For that, I am happier and more committed then ever to make Sharing Solace a reality.
So thank you friends, family, and complete strangers for allowing me to be imperfectly me, allowing me to share my story in a positive way, and allowing me to honor my Madelyn in the only way I know how.
Peace and Love,
