For some reason I have been putting this post off for months.
Not because I’ve been gatekeeping {I’ll share it with anyone who wants it!}
Not because I don’t know what I’m talking about {I’ve been curating these items for years!}
And, not because I don’t care. {Clearly, I do!}
I think it’s because this is the part of death and grief that makes even the most seasoned professionals shudder.
Those very early days: the first hours and few mornings after the death of your baby – when your brain is basically a broken browser with 47 tabs open, none of them loading, and someone keeps asking you to “just let me know what you need.” I’ll tell you what you DON’T need:
- Another frozen casserole
- Another hurtful platitude
- Someone telling you they “understand” because their dog died last year
If you’re like most people, you need to DO something…that will make the next five minutes survivable. And that “do something” instinct usually lands in one place: care for your baby with dignity, tenderness and grace.
Even if your baby has already died.
Even if you’re numb.
Even if you can’t remember if you’re wearing a shirt.
Here’s the hard truth: there are physical options—beautiful, practical, deeply meaningful options—that can help families in those first hours and days. But a lot of them are time-sensitive. If you don’t know they exist (and no one tells you), the window to use them can close fast.
And that’s why this article exists.
In 2010, when Madelyn died, these products did not exist {or, at least, I didn’t know they existed}. I hate that for past-me…and I’m grateful for present-me because I’m determined to make sure other families don’t miss options simply because nobody offered up ‘the menu’.
Having been around the block a time or two since Madelyn’s death – I’ve seen it all; good, bad, and (hideously) ugly. I’ve talked to loss parents from all over the world and have determined that we all pretty much want the same thing for our babies.
Honor. Memories. Respect. Acknowledgement. Personalization.
Gone are the days where baby ‘should be’ ushered out of the room never to be spoken of again. These children are meaningful and loved members of the family and have changed that family in unimaginable ways {physically and emotionally – but that’s another topic for another day.}
Below are some of my favorite companies and products. I believe them to be the cream of the crop – not only because I see them as being very well made but they also ‘understood the assignment’; they’re not pandering or taking advantage of loss parents. I would absolutely recommend each of these {and use them myself if I had the need, again}. If you’re a parent, take what helps and ignore the rest. If you’re a professional, please offer these options proactively to your families.
{You’ll notice Sharing Solace is not on this list. I wholeheartedly believe our pieces have their own unique healing power…and also it is not imperative they are gifted immediately following baby’s death. Below are items and companies that have a bit more of an expiration date.}
❤️ Caring Cradle ❤️
While not a product you would probably just go out and buy for yourself (they’re not cheap), many hospitals and funeral homes around the nation will have them available {in fact several states are implementing laws mandating bereavement protocols that include the Caring Cradle}.
These chilling units slow the natural physical changes after death and give families valuable extra time with their baby, allowing for more bonding and memory making. These units also allow baby to stay with family in the hospital room – or even at home – for longer.
Now, there are other products and methods out there that allow families that sacred time – but what I like about this particular cradle is that it’s ‘plug and play’. You literally plug it in, turn it on, and you’re good to go – there’s no hoses or liquids to worry about, baby’s not getting wet or ‘burned’ from ice, and there’s no real mess.
🧡 Memories Unlimited 🧡
Offering beautiful, earth-friendly basinets, shrouds, and containers – these cost-effective, cremation-friendly, and gorgeous pieces allow baby to be transported respectfully and with dignity. These lovely containers can be used in parallel with the Caring Cradle to give families more time and, if prepared properly, baby can be transported from hospital or home to final resting place without being disturbed again.
Memories Unlimited also offers an air-dry clay for handprints and footprints that is malleable for up to 20 minutes before it begins to harden {so if the print doesn’t turn out the way you want it you just smooth it out and try again}. The clay comes in a cute ‘frame’ and can be painted, dusted with glitter, stamped, or molded and won’t break if it’s dropped {though I don’t recommend trying it}.
Memories Unlimited products are not sold on the retail market so you would need to check with your hospital or funeral home to see if they offer them.
💛 Trappist Caskets 💛
These beautiful handmade caskets are made by the Trappist Monks in Peosta, Illinois from red oak wood. The interior is muslin upholstered with an inlaid cross on the hinged lid that’s engraved with baby’s name. These caskets can be donated to the family (the Monks only ask for the cost of shipping) and are much nicer and more dignified than just about any other infant casket out there {again, another story-another day}.
Just call the monastery to provide some information about the child and credit card information for shipping and it will be packaged and shipped out as quickly as possible. You’re also welcome to donate to their Child Casket Fund to make sure this beautiful offering continues to thrive.
💚 LoveUrns 💚
I’ve learned parents don’t always want their baby’s final resting place to be an ‘urn shaped urn’. They rarely want something ‘traditional’ – many parents want something that represents their child and the hopes and dreams they had for that child. That is why I love LoveUrns offerings!
Their urns come in many shapes and sizes: everything from butterflies and birds to sports balls and bookends. {In fact, if it had been available at the time, the pink and purple Wings of Hope butterfly would have been Maddie’s urn – it’s so beautiful! You can see some of my favorite designs in the picture above.}
Holding these pieces (even the smallest of them) you can tell they have some heft and are very well made. They don’t come across as cheaply made or flimsy. These urns are definitely intended to be kept and held for a lifetime.
Your local funeral home probably already works with LoveUrns and can offer you anything from their catalogue – Or, stay tuned to an exciting announcement from Sharing Solace very soon 😘
💙 Holy Land Wood and Stone 💙
Holy Land’s Eternal Love Collection is a symbolic way to say ‘my heart will always be with you’. These two-piece gifts are intended to have one piece (often the inner heart) left with baby and the other kept with the family – forever symbolizing the connection.
The Angel of My Heart piece has to be my favorite from their whole catalogue! The angel shape is symbolic. The inner removable heart (located near the angel’s womb) is symbolic. It is just a beautifully created piece filled with meaning.
💜 TerryBear 💜
TerryBear is another beautiful company with some beautiful – child centric – offerings. My favorites being their memory box and shadow box. I find these boxes particularly meaningful in early losses; where you have little more to hold onto than the hopes and dreams for your little one. These boxes can be filled with mementos you collected {pictures, tests, notes, and other small items} even if you choose not to cremate baby.
Again, there are many other products, services, and companies out there that offer similar items. I don’t have anything negative to say about any of them! I have just found that these products are the cream of the crop – both in my experience and from the hundreds of other loss parents and bereavement professionals I’ve talked to.
Do you have other suggestions that should be on this list? Feel free to leave a comment and let us know!
* Some of these organizations are faith-based. They do not discriminate based on religion and I find their products to be meaningful – regardless of affiliation. My recommendation of these products is not based in religion, nor is it proselytizing. My only goal is comfort.
** Unless noted or products purchased directly from SharingSolace.com, Sharing Solace is not affiliated with these companies and receives no compensation from them to share their offerings.
