In this profession, love and loss are constant companions – to each other and the families in your care. As funeral directors, you are tasked with guiding families through their most difficult times, often without taking a moment to address your own emotional well-being. For continued longevity, innovation needs to be ingrained in every area of your business practices – not just the ‘business-y’ parts. Let’s explore unconventional emotional support techniques that can benefit not only you but also your families, helping to foster a compassionate environment amidst the ever-growing challenges and changes of our profession.
The Emotional Toll on Funeral Directors
As funeral directors and death care professionals, many of us came to this profession because we are empaths. We want to help – which means we often become the emotional pack mule for those we serve…leading to our own burnout and emotional fatigue.
[Just like in AA] Acknowledgment and recognition of the signs is the first step in addressing them. If you’ve read my work before, you know I love saying ‘Name it to Tame it’ – and that’s exactly what we’re doing here. For example, you might find yourself emotionally drained after a particularly challenging service or family meeting – feeling the need for personal emotional support. But, you think, ‘I work in a profession where we’re all experiencing the same thing. I can’t unload on a co-worker. That’s not fair.’
Honestly, I totally get that. I’ve found myself ‘holding it in’ because I don’t want to burden anyone else either…and doing that for too long {I’ve learned from personal experience} is just turning the pressure cooker up to eleven. You can either let the steam out slowly…over time, or you can erupt all over the place and spend time cleaning up the pieces. And I think we both know which is less messy and time consuming after that fact.
So, let’s explore some ways to let that steam out slowly over time:
Unconventional Self-Support Techniques:
- Mindfulness and Meditation: Consider starting/ending your day with a 10-minute {guided?} meditation session using apps like Headspace or Calm – or my personal favorite if you’re a little naughty…. This unconventionally-conventional practice can help center your mind and prepare/remove you for the emotional demands of the day. While I, weirdly, prefer to meditate in my car; you might want to consider creating a quiet space within the funeral home where staff can practice mindfulness during breaks [and can even double as a ‘solace space’ for your families.
- Creative Expression: Engage in creative activities such as journaling, painting, music or even interpretive dance. One funeral director found solace in abstract multi-media painting, using it as an outlet to process emotions and reduce stress. Remember that episode of Psych where Detective Lassiter takes up tap dance and he solves all his tough cases? …it’s been known to happen…
- Nature Therapy: Not just spending time in nature but interacting with nature can be incredibly rejuvenating. How cool would it be to incorporate a small garden or green space within the funeral home or cemetery grounds where staff and families can find peace and reflection. A beautiful touch would be to plant some herbs – or lavender – for communal use… Short walks outside {phones down, heads up!} during breaks can also help reconnect with nature and reduce stress.
- Peer Support Groups: Therapists have them, why can’t funeral directors?!? Joining a peer support group specifically for funeral professionals can provide camaraderie and understanding. Sharing experiences, talking through difficult situations, and celebrating accomplishments with peers who understand the unique challenges of the profession can be incredibly supportive.
- Humor and Laughter: Incorporate humor into your daily routine to relieve stress – yes, even the dark, off-beat kind, it’s actually been shown to improve resilience! Whether it’s sharing light-hearted moments with colleagues, watching a comedy show after work, or texting funny memes to friends {meme-forwarding is my love language!} laughter can be a powerful emotional release.
- Digital Detox Retreat: Looking for a unique retreat idea for your staff? Organize a weekend retreat for staff [and their families if you like] where digital devices are off-limits. I imagine living in the Catskills during Dirty Dancing: pinochle, puzzles, meals where you actually have to l👀k at each other …maybe some meditation, nature walks, and a sock hop…
And, you can offer similar support to you families!
Supporting Families with Unconventional Methods:
- Snarky Personalized Memorials: If the person wasn’t serious in life why should their services be in death? Encourage families to personalize memorial services in ways that truly reflect their loved one’s life. For example, a service could incorporate the deceased’s favorite hobby – or an ongoing joke.
- Rage Rooms: Grief often comes with a lot of anger – it is one of the ‘stages’ of grief but I’m not going down that rabbit hole today. Consider suggesting this, or even bataka foam bats, especially if the death was tragic, unexpected, sudden. There is therapeutic value in beating the ever-loving bejesus out of something.
- Grief Workshops: While it sounds conventional there are dozens of unconventional ways to explore emotions. This is different from traditional support groups, these workshops combine grief coping tips, tricks, and strategies, such as yoga, dance therapy, or sound baths, to help families process their emotions through movement and mindfulness.
- Virtual Reality Experiences: VR, AR, and XR have come a long way since Tupac flickered onstage at Coachella in 2012. Explore the use of virtual reality to create immersive experiences that allow family members to revisit cherished places or moments shared with their loved one, facilitating healing and connection. {Healing note: options like this can be very beneficial for the healing process – and also it can be a slippery slope into deep psychological rumination for some.}
But honestly, none of these ideas and methods matter if you’re not
Building a Culture of Emotional Support
Yes, you are running a business – and it is a very emotionally taxing business for everyone involved. Burnout and fatigue are ripe within the industry (both because of the type of work needed to get the job done and the type of people that find this work fulfilling). Fostering an environment of emotional openness and support within your funeral home isn’t just ‘nice to have’ anymore; it’s a necessity. Gone are the days of the ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead’ mentality. Regular staff check-ins and open discussions about emotional well-being can create a culture of empathy, understanding, and deep respect. Lead by example, demonstrate vulnerability (as a sign of strength) and empathy to encourage others to do the same.
Love and loss are deeply woven into the funeral profession, but by embracing unconventional emotional support techniques, funeral directors can enhance their well-being and better serve the families who rely on them. Prioritizing emotional health and innovation in your practices will not only benefit you but also create a legacy of compassion that extends far beyond the immediate moment.
Please continue your journey of support with our resources on emotional health and innovation.
