Shortly after my Maddie died, the ‘festive holiday season’ came around and {believe it or not} I was not in the holiday spirit. I just wanted my baby there to experience her first Christmas. But, I tried to put on a brave face so that no one knew what was really going on inside my crazy, grieving brain.
I would attend festive gatherings with a smile plastered on my face – a smile that never quite made it to my eyes – and did the best I could to go through the motions and say all the right things.
At one of the last parties of the season, I was tired. Tired from all the events and activities – and tired from appearing all pulled together when I was shattered inside. The hostess walked up to me as I came through the door. She offered a hug and whispered in my ear:
Use it whenever you want – even if you just want a break from people.
No one will bother you.”
WoW! I think I hugged her harder than I’ve ever hugged anybody before and I almost started crying right there from her compassion. Having another person recognize and understand the craziness in my brain and sorrow in my heart was magical.
Up to that point, I’d scan the room for exits before I even walked in, I’d keep the exact coordinates of the car at the top of my mind for a quick getaway, and I’d constantly count the steps between me and the closest bathroom…you know, while I was {unsuccessfully} carrying on small talk with a loose acquaintance.
Now, I like to call this my ‘Grace Space‘ – and I do my best to offer it to anyone grieving that enters my home.
Grieving is hard. It’s exhausting. And it takes a lot of energy to just do the bare minimum. Your patience is short, your attention span is shorter and you often get overstimulated.
The Grace Space is your personal cone of silence. It’s your ‘exit strategy’ when you want a few minutes to yourself. It’s a place to feel your feels without drawing unwanted attention to yourself.
If you’re hosting festivities this year, I encourage you to set aside a small, comfortable space for those who are grieving – and tell them that space is just for them. If you’re the one who’s grieving, I encourage you to find your Grace Space anywhere you go…a little space you can get away to when you feel overwhelmed.
Just knowing there is a special place – just for you – to sneak away to when you need a few moments is amazingly powerful. You may never actually use it. But just knowing it’s there is worth its weight in gold.
Do you have a Grace Space for yourself? Do you offer a Grace Space to your guests? I encourage you to try it – and if you already have your Grace Space, head over to Facebook and share about your special space. Let’s get the great ideas flowing!
