If you answered ‘No.’ I can’t blame you. I constantly preach self-compassion {and self-love} but practicing what I preach is not always as easy… I’m constantly finding that I’m beating myself up over this thing or that.
As we move into the holidays, I think self-compassion is especially needed and powerful. The holidays are tough – for everyone. Lots of people to see and things to do. Presents to buy and meals to make. Plus, as the world begins to go back to ‘normal’ – it’s a quicker pace of life that we aren’t really used to…
All of these adjustments can be overwhelming, whether you are grieving or not, and it’s easy to get down on yourself for not ‘stepping up’. We berate ourselves because
- we ‘could have done more’
- the ‘roast wasn’t roast-y enough’
- the ‘festivities weren’t festive enough’, or
- we let someone down by not getting/doing/saying it all
We judge our {lack of} intentions based on others’ outward appearance.
I’m here to say you’re setting yourself up for failure and only hurting yourself.
I have 2 little anecdotes I would like to share with you:
What you focus on expands
If you focus this holiday season on the shoulda, woulda, coulda – that’s all you’ll be able to see. You (more than likely) won’t see your family enjoying their time with you, the decorations and lights illuminating the house, and the good cheer in the air… If you focus on negative all you’ll see is negative. If you focus on positive you will seek out positive. Focus on what you WANT and that will expand.
Name it to tame it
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get mad (or sad, or – really – any emotion) and I don’t know why…the longer I’m mad the madder I get…until I either explode or figure out what’s wrong with me. Then, once I’m able to name it, I can reason with myself: Why was I angry? Am I still angry or has the true feeling passed?… Then I can start to walk myself back off the ledge.
I have found these two principles work in just about every area of my life – good and not-so-good. And, if I’m able to get out in front of it before I make a mountain out of a molehill I’m in an even better position.
That’s kinda how I feel about self-compassion. There are times in my life that I feel beaten down, deflated, and generally all-around worthless…and it just festers… More often than not, it’s because I don’t give myself the same grace that I give to others. I’m beating myself up for something that I would never think twice about if I saw it in someone else.
I found this ‘quiz’ {if you can really call it that} over at the Greater Good Science Center and thought to myself ‘Huh. I can always use more help with self-compassion. Maybe if I can use this as a starting point to ‘name it’ and ‘focus’ on it I can then ‘tame it’ and help it to ‘expand’.
I’ve gotten a lot of good from taking this and setting my baseline..then (ACTUALLY) using the additional resources to build on my strengths and develop my weaknesses. I hope it will benefit you too!
Take the quiz – then leave your score in the comments! Together we can help each other become more (self) compassionate.
