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The Window

I found a writing exercise today that I was so completely drawn to it that I couldn’t NOT write. I was given this picture and told to ‘just write’. I immediately saw myself in the window: both AS the window and BEHIND the window. I think many of us who have lost a child {or anyone special to us for that matter} feel like we’re just on the outskirts of any situation. Close enough but so far removed.

This is my take on being a Gen-X/Millennial Loss Mama:

The window, once immaculately beautiful, has been left unattended for far too long. So many delicate details rusted and dirty from too many years of neglect.

It wouldn’t take much to make it beautiful again – a little bit of elbow grease, laundered linens, a fresh coat of paint, and the intention to do so… But has it gone too far? Is it worth the effort? Does it even really matter?

Alone, I peek out from behind the ragged curtain onto the square below there are families spending time together, couples in love, imaginative kids creating a wonderland of surprise. I’m close enough to hear each conversation – close enough to join in – but too disconnected to feel inclined to do so.

I am a special snowflake, at least that’s what I was told my whole life. I’ve been placed on this parapet and told to stay put. Years of ‘training’ has kept me here. I’m special, I’m unique, I’m ‘better’. Never really knowing where those sentiments came from, I’ve convinced myself they are true – JUST ENOUGH to feel like I belong on this pedestal – but not enough to keep my pedestal in good repair.

So, I continue to sit disconnected from the community below. Constantly being reminded I’m special but never feeling good enough to believe. Do I allow my ego to continue to hold on? To stay up here – just above everyone else. Or, do I let my heart flow free and join my new friends in the happy courtyard below?

One thought on “The Window

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    Believe in yourself. You are special. Let your heart flow free!

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