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Have you thought about adopting?

Oh. My. God! My mind is blown. You are a genius! No, I haven’t thought of adoption. You have just solved every problem I’ve ever had in my whole life! I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before. Of COURSE – adoption! I’ll just replace my dead baby with someone else’s baby and everything will be right with my world again.

Is what I WANT to say each and every time I’m asked this question {which, believe me, is way more often then it should be}.

Asking an infertile mother if she’s thought about adoption is like asking a cancer patient if they’ve thought about getting a second opinion or asking a vegetarian if they’ve thought about just trying bacon…

Of COURSE, I’ve thought about it…and thought about it…and thought about it…and thought about it…

I’ve had hours of discussions with myself, my husband, and very expensive mental health professionals.

I’ve made lists, and pivot tables, and Venn diagrams.

I’ve journaled about it, thought about it, painted about it, moved about it, played about it, music-ed about it, talked about it, and even prayed about it.

I’ve tried thinking strictly logical, emotional, spiritual, and every sort of ‘al’ there is.

Yes, I know I’d ‘make a wonderful mom’, I ‘might regret it later in life’, I ‘really need to think about it before it’s too late’, I’m ‘denying a loving, needing child the stability of a family’, and all that other B.S.

If I had wanted your opinion on my family planning ‘motives’ I would have asked for it – perfect stranger. And I promise you’re not going to be able to guilt me into doing what you think is ‘best’. I’m pretty dead set on my ‘decision’.  Oh, and I don’t want your two cents on the #ChildfreeNotByChoice ‘craze’.

Which is not a ‘craze’ you….you. It’s not really a choice. It’s a decision made between two evils – two terrible options that have no right answer.

Believe it or not, I was traumatized when Madelyn died in my arms – because of the genetics I gave her. I still suffer from PTSD a decade later. There are a LOT of emotions rolled up into a very tight ball {that’s about to be thrown at your head if you don’t watch it!} that your cursory questioning is not going to be able to unravel in this parking lot.

I ‘appreciate’ your concern – and with your ongoing concern of the human race…but pretty, pretty please STFU.

So, my advice? If you’re going to be dumb enough to ask a stupid question – please also be dumb enough to accept my stupid answer and just let it go.


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