1 month
It’s been one whole month since I’ve gotten to hold you. You would’ve been one on Friday, but now we light a candle to celebrate you and your twin brother celebrates without you. We miss you and love you so much […]
December
14
November
27
Have you thought about adopting?
Is what I WANT to say each and every time I’m asked this question {which, believe me, is way more often then it should be}.Asking an infertile mother if she’s thought about adoption is like asking a cancer patient if they’ve thought about getting a second opinion or asking a vegetarian if they’ve thought about […]
October
14
It’s a beautiful day
Though a Costco is only 15 minutes down the road, I had never had any actionable interest, but that day I needed beach gear. So, a week after my son died, I went into the behemoth wholesaler to sign up for a membership.A cheerful sales person took my information and remarked on how beautiful the […]
May
1
An Evening of Sharing Solace – An Afternoon of the Crazy Deli Lady
As per usual, I’m a day late and a dollar short.I waited too long to order the deli platter from Hy-Vee so I had to make one myself for An evening of Sharing Solace with Children’s Orchard Olathe {which, like an idiot, I scheduled on the 9th anniversary of the news that Madelyn would not survive after birth}.Trying to find […]
January
7
The Window
I found a writing exercise today that I was so completely drawn to it that I couldn’t NOT write. I was given this picture and told to ‘just write’. I immediately saw myself in the window: both AS the window and BEHIND the window. I think many of us who have lost a child {or anyone […]
November
12
St. Joe to Nebraska City…
It was almost exactly nine years, to the day, that I made this trip the last time. I wasn’t alone last time I traveled north on I-29 from St Joseph to Nebraska City – but déjà vu crept eerily into the car until I couldn’t handle the weight of it any longer.Before 2009 I had […]
July
31
Words You Don’t Say…
“…Well at least you didn’t ACTUALLY get to KNOW her…”I was talking to someone I see on occasion the other day. I don’t actually know her – just her name…well, and now WAY more than I ever want to…We ‘talked’ for maybe 20 minutes and in between hearing all about her family’s issues she went on […]
July
17
A poem I wrote for Harper out of grief and terrible pain
Pictures on walls and flowers in vasesclothes that smell of you, stay in dark casesavoiding at all costs, the questions that comenot wanting the pain, I welcome the numbto say that I miss you doesn’t even beginto explain the emptiness i’m feeling withinperfect you came, now perfect you aredancing on moonbeams and swinging on starsI’ll […]
July
16
Something I never thought I’d do again…
It just about gave me a panic attack. I actually had to sit down and take big, deep breaths (in through the nose, out through the mouth)…I went to back to the fertility clinic. Not because I need their services but because the doctor I followed around the country is back in Kansas City and […]
May
15
My brother
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